I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I am one with the molecules
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
