I think I am morally bankrupt
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
