no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
