he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
