What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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