I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
