sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
