We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
