I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
