if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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