come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
