The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
