I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
