my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
