I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
