I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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