You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
