I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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