what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
