Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
