he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
