Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Small penises have feelings too.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
