please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
