I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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