so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
