she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
