yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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