My nipple is on Facebook.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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