WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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