i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
