I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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