and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
