My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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