remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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