I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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