I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
