I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I could fuck to npr.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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