i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
3 2 1 whiskey
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
