it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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