It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
