Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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