I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
