So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
