Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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