I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Please, let me fuck your mom
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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