I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
