His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
