I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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