watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
