This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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